The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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