There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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