so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
