So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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