She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
