bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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