My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
