from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
