He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
