You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
