I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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