Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
