I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
