Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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