I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So squirting runs in the family.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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