You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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