First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
