we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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