At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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