I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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