If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
