I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
