He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i think my cat just said my name.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
