Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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