Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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