I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
