I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
did you just send me my own nude
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
