it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
