Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he shaved USA in his pubs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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