So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
