i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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