A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
