I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
