If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
