If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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