if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
