i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
