i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
