Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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