So drunk its hurt
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am available for nakedness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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