I think I died a long time ago.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im holly from the hills drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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