mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
