We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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