I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
