The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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