your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
