I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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