I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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