she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The power of my boobs compel you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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