He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
