so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
