There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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