Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
