i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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