Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
