I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize