Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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