Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize