Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
