I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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