Pappa wants mamma naked
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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