dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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