theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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