and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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