Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
