im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
