that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
