Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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