What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
