my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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