so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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