im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i love accidental penises.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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