After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
