the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
