Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
