You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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