So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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