I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
